My People...

The scene - our kitchen.
Elise is wandering around with a wire pantry shelf on her back, pretending it is an ermine cape.

EV: Mom, these are my people (said with a strange, not quite British accent)
Me; Ok.
EV: Would you like to meet my people?  We shall play with them if they're good, kill them if they're bad*, or have tea.
Me: I think tea is definitely the way to go.

*Note: Elise is not a violent child, rather she is concerned about dangerous criminals a.k.a the bad people.

The Tiny Dude in the Toilet - A Poop Story

The scene - a local restaurant. 
Elise:  I have to go to the potty!
Me: Ok, let's go
Elise: I know where it is!  (runs to the bathroom, gets distracted once inside, finally selects a stall)
Wait...I'm about to poop.
Me: alright, let me know when you are done.
Elise: I'm done!  It's ok, Mom, it's not a messy poop even though it looks like a person with hair; wanna see?
Me: Actually, I'd like to see how a poop looks like a person with hair.  (sure enough it looked like a fisher price tube figure with a pompadour)

The Giant Poop

EV - Mom, I had a large poop today.
Me - really... large, huh?
EV - Yep.  It was a GIANT size poop!

Stringing her most shocking words together...

EV - Mom, I love you to God but... God, Freaking Hell.

Geico Pig

EV:  Mom!  Is that a PIG on a PLANE?
Me:  Yes
EV: That's funny.  (pause) And the PIG TALKS!

5th Birthday Party --- and Princess Celestia

Me: Elise, you want a My Little Pony party?
Elise: YES!
Me: Ok. 
Elise: And Princess.  I want Princess Hats and Pony on the walls/
Me:  Alright.  And what do you want on your cake?
Elise:  Princess Celestia of course!
Me: Of course.  She is a pony... and a princess.